woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize