I can tuck mytits in my pants
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
