explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
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Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
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I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
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