saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
