I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Your penis caused this!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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