Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
