we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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