He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
