I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize