if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
