You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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