I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
