How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I deserve this hangover.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
