Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
