Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You're a waste of cheezeits
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
