I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
