There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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