Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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