I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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