she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
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I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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