i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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