i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
