Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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