what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
