Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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