I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
