Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
