he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
