just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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