Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
