What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
