i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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