Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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