Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
