i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
