I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize