i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
