mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
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She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
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He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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