1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
