I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
What a dumb baby whore.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
