we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
