Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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