i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
