girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
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We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
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So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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