I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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