im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
This is classic penis vs brain.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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