My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I need to align my fucking chakras
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
