The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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