Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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