your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
