I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So here I am, sexting at work.
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