i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
