Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
