Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
