its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
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I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
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After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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