; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
