Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
