How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
