Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
