She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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