I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize